Are you happy with how your sexual relationship is going? Or do you want to give it a little more boost? Learn about these 10 ...

10-revolutionary-ways-to-enhance-your-pleasure-and-sexual-performance

10 Revolutionary Ways to Enhance Your Pleasure and Sexual Performance

we all have sex one to have children and two for pleasure and in this video I'm going to talk about 10 ways you can increase pleasure I'm Dr Rena Malik urologist and pelvic surgeon and if you're new here I make new content every Monday and Friday talking about bladder health sexual health and so much more if you like what you see make sure you subscribe and share this Channel with your friends so number one is simple it's communicate and this sounds super easy but you'd be surprised to know how many patients of mine come into the office and tell me about their issue and I ask them how does your partner feel about this and they say well I've never really asked them I just want to make sure that I can pleasure them appropriately I ask them well do they find pleasure from penetrative intercourse or do they find pleasure from other things and sometimes they're just not sure and it's not your fault because no one taught us how to communicate about sex it's not something you learn in sex head it's not something your parents usually talk to you about so how do you even start doing it well let me give you some tips first off you want to make sure that you communicate outside of the bedroom you don't want to actually have a really serious communication right before or after you're about to be intimate with your partner because it can either end the intimate session meaning you're not going to be intimate because now you've brought up this really awkward conversation or it can lead to somebody feeling really insecure you might have brought up how you would really like to try something else and they may misinterpret that and say hey is something wrong with me am I not providing you pleasure and so it's really important to do this in a neutral location either when you're having breakfast or lunch or when you're out for a walk or something else where you can have a serious communication but it can be casual and relaxed number two realize that it's going to take many conversations you're not just gonna have one conversation and it's over you guys have probably never had communication before and so it's gonna be a bit awkward and it's probably good to just say hey I'd really like to make this a part of our our relationship where we talk about our intimate time about sex about how we can increase pleasure for each other maybe we can start talking about it today and revisit it at a later date and number three when you're talking about it you want to make it about yourself you want to say hey I would really like it if we could do more of this how do you feel about that not I don't like it because you don't do this for me because that will end up making the other person feel inferior or bad about themselves or feel like they're being attacked and lastly if they're complaining of an issue that is medical like they're having issues with erections of getting aroused or having pain with sex and you've tried some different things it's important to get professional help whether that means seeing a sex therapist or a counselor that can help you either communicate through these things or figure out if there's a psychological component to them or seeing a urologist we have tons of options to help you get better in all those areas and so it's really important to just take the plunge this is what we do for a living we certainly do our best to not make you feel uncomfortable because we want you to get the help you need to have the best sex life possible and that number two is be open to experimentation now what exactly does that mean one is be open to masturbating be open to each other masturbating and learning from masturbation so masturbation can be a great way to explore your body and figure out what you like and what you don't like and so don't take it as oh they're finding pleasure by themselves I'm gonna be replaced it's more about hey this is great my partner is finding pleasure and able to communicate that with me and certainly in relationships where there's a mismatched libido meaning somebody's really wanting to have sex a lot and someone's having less masturbation is a great way to kind of equalize that so that you are able to get pleasure from yourself and from your partner at different times now I've talked about things that you want to be careful with with masturbation and the benefits of masturbation so check out both those videos and also the other way you can experiment is with each other so you can kind of talk figure out which parts of the body or which erogenous zones make someone arouse and that's different from from person to person for some people it can be the nipples the ears the toes the inside of the elbow right and so actually figuring out what areas for each individual person cause them to be aroused can make sex more fun and foreplay more enjoyable because you can stimulate these other areas and you know every single person is different but these areas map on the brain to areas near the genitals which is why sometimes our brain can derive pleasure from really like kind of unrelated things like your earlobe so experimenting can bring a whole new wave or different way of achieving pleasure some people have even recommended like mapping out your body like take a marker obviously a washable marker and mark out areas that you think you might enjoy being touched and some areas that maybe use are like no way please don't go there or I'm not ready for that and let your partner kind of see that and so that can be you know with either a circle and an X or a green light red light and maybe a yellow light like where I'm ready to experiment but I'm not sure and then through throughout the experience when you're trying new things is continue the communication just because you're trying to be intimate doesn't mean that you stop communicating the whole time you want to communicate yes I like this no I don't and don't take it personally you're experimenting you're figuring it out so before I go on to some more things you can do with your partner I want to talk specifically about women and specifically about men how you can increase their individual pleasure for women first and foremost if you have never seen a video of mine this is something that I say all the time but the first thing is stimulate the clitoris the reason being is 80 to 90 percent of women need clitoral stimulation in order to climax whether that's clitoral stimulation with penetration or without and that's because the clitoris is the homolog of the penis and what this means is that they both develop from the same tissue embryologically and so as the fetus develops if it gets the right signals to have a X Y chromosome to be a male it's going to develop a penis and if it gets a signals to be an XX chromosome it's going to get the signal to develop into a clitoris and they basically are the exact same except for the clitoris instead of extending outward extends inward then Forks like a wishbone on the inside so in women certainly when they're deriving pleasure most often it's because their clitoris is being stimulated from the inside of the vagina or the outside of the vagina so it's important again to experiment and figure out what your partner likes best and that may or may not include just penetrative sex and that brings me to the next thing is increase foreplay and this could help for both men and women but particularly in women it can take 20 to 30 minutes to achieve full arousal and what exactly does that mean well as women are achieving arousal their vagina creates lubricant and it can take some time for the body signals to send hey I'm aroused for them body to start making lubricant also as the body becomes more aroused the vagina widens and lengthens as I mentioned in a recent video and it gets ready to accommodate and erect penis and so if you go too fast and they're not fully aroused it can actually mean that sex is painful when you're penetrating deeply and so that's why foreplay is so important and let me take a little minute to talk about lubrication lubrication of a woman does not correlate with how turned on they are all the time there are certain times in a woman's life where she may make less lubricant or they may just not make much lubricant as in general and just genetic differences and this can be because they're going through menopause when the body actually changes and has less estrogen so the tissues become thinner create less lubrication and that's just a part of going through menopause certainly we have treatments to help with that thinness like vaginal estrogen so women who are watching this who are going through menopause please talk to your doctor about hormones particularly vaginal estrogen which can be a great way to thicken those tissues in the vagina and make sex more pleasurable also if they've just had a baby or they've had surgery where they've reduced their estrogen or they're on certain medications all of these things things can make less lubricant it has nothing to do with you or how turned on they are or how ready they are for sex all the time which brings me to my next point which is use lubrication lubrication is Fun by lubricant it's great it's cheap it's easy I've made an entire video about lubricants but the bottom line is lubricants are meant to make things more slippery more fun and have less friction and overall there's nothing wrong with that it's great you can use that every age and it's wonderful so if you want a deeper dive make sure you check out my video but just briefly there are three different types of lubricants and the easiest type to get is water-based lubricants that's because they're everywhere you can get them over the counter at any drugstore super easy and they're usually very affordable and they're great the things you have to look out for is that they do dry up pretty quickly and so you need to reapply so that you continue having the benefit of the lubricant there's also silicone-based lubricants which are slippery and longer lasting so you usually only have to apply once and they're tons of fun but you do have to be careful if you're using them with silicone-based sex toys because they can degrade the sex toy and lastly they are oil-based lubricants and these are also longer lasting but you do have to be careful if you're using them with condoms because they can cause condom breakage and so avoid those if you are using a condom what about men well I think for men again communication is going to help you understand what they like and don't like not all men are the same but the important thing is that men have a lot of pressure to perform they have to get and sustain an erection and last long enough and unfortunately it's not like a machine there's going to be times where a man will lose his erection early or ejaculate earlier than he wanted to and that's okay it's important to realize that that's not a sign that something is wrong with you it may be a sign that they have stress in their system they've had something to drink they have a medical problem or medical condition and so all these things taken together it's really not usually about the partner it's about something else so if you're in the middle of things and you're still feeling intimate it's okay to keep going there are other ways you continue pleasuring each each other in other ways that he continued pleasuring you as well it's important to realize everyone's got ten fingers they've got a mouth they've got toys and you can use all those different things to help increase pleasure whether or not you have a functioning erection I mentioned stress earlier and that brings us to our next point which is increased relaxation because when your body is stressed it releases cortisol it turns on your sympathetic nervous system and you increase your fight or flight and your body gets ready to run basically it increases blood flow to the extremities and to help you get enough energy to the muscles so that you can then do whatever activity you're gonna do which is run away from the stressor but in reality your body can't differentiate between a stressor like a lion coming after you or a stressor like you had a rough day at work your body does the same thing and so if you're stressed you're just not going to be able to get blood flow to the genitals because it's working somewhere else it's going to be much harder to get aroused so in order to increase pleasure you can actually actually incorporate some sort of couple's relaxation before you get intimate that can be giving each other a massage or even going for a massage together that can be doing yoga together or meditating together those things can help your body relax know that you're in a safe space and that will make it easier and more readily available to you to get aroused and get excited about sex and if you're wondering how to de-stress quickly I made a video a while back about how you can de-stress in as little as six seconds per day so make sure you check that one out because it's got great things that I personally use every day to help reduce stress next tip is schedule time for intimacy a lot of people kind of go whoa I don't want to schedule sex it should be something that we just do right we just get excited about each other and we have sex but in reality that's not what happens right we're busy we work we've got kids we've got a lot of responsibilities it's not like when you're young and your only responsibility is going to school you have more time and a lot of hormones that help you get really excited added when you see your partner you get aroused but when you've won been in a longer term relationship or you've got other stressors in life it's more difficult to get aroused just by seeing your partner and so less likely that you're going to have spontaneous sex and that's because there are two different types of Desire their spontaneous desire which is exactly what I described you see your partner you get excited you want to have sex and there's responsive desires you don't necessarily get aroused just by seeing your partner or thinking about them but when you're together when you're intimate when you're holding each other touching each other and just being together next to each other you can remember oh yeah my body likes this like I want to have sex with this person and so it actually requires you to take the time to be together and not be in your bed looking at your phones respectively or typing away on your laptops it means that you are actually together and so that's where scheduling time comes in we are an over scheduled culture I mean look at your calendars right you've probably got everything scheduled from work meetings to taking your kids to practice and to when you're going to exercise even but you've never scheduled time for your partner yeah you might schedule time for a date night but guess what happens on date night you eat a ton of food your body gets focused on digesting that food and you feel bloated and uncomfortable and yeah that's not the greatest setup for having an intimate time so let's schedule time for actual intimacy where you are gonna turn off your phones turn off your devices be together with each other and actually focus on being intimate it doesn't mean that you're gonna have to have sex but it's on the table if you want it and if you think back to when we were kids right you would think about oh I'm gonna have a date with this person on Friday I'm really excited I can't wait and you get prepared right you're like oh we might have sex I might shave or do other things or wear a really nice perfume or whatever it is because you want to make that as successful as possible and it's the same thing it can be an exciting thing to do and when you're scheduling this time it brings me to my next point which is mindfulness not so long ago I made a video about how mindfulness can help improve your sex life and it's true being mindful which means being present during sex like trying to avoid thinking about other things if they come in and you think of something like if I forgot to like water the plants well you know what I'm gonna let that thought come in and go away and then I'm going to focus on what's going on whether it's how my partner's holding me how they're touching me how they smell good or how it feels nice to be in their arms or it feels nice to hold them right so if you actually focus on those Sensations it can lead to a overall better sex life better pleasure better orgasms better overall experience during sex and I promise you number 10 was something that people don't talk about quite as often in relation to sex but that's exercise we know that exercise is great for you overall it helps reduce stress helps you feel great helps you maybe lose some weight but ultimately exercise has also been linked with increased sexual arousal that can be with things like walking swimming yoga strength training all those things have been looked at to increase sexual arousal in fact in one study they found that people who engage in intense exercise ended up having stronger orgasms later and so overall exercise can be a great way to get you ready so you want to try again relaxing like I mentioned earlier go to the gym first for 20 minutes come home take a shower together and see where it leads you alright I hope you guys enjoyed this video as always we're going to take care of yourself because you're worth it [Music]

Dr.

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