In this video, Dr. Rena Malik explores scientifically proven methods to enhance intimacy and foster a more fulfilling sex life within ...

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Scientifically Proven Ways to Have More Sex in Your Relationship

so what keeps the passion alive in relationships how do you keep it spicy I'm Dr Reena Malik urologist and pelvic surgeon and today we're going to talk about how you can keep it spicy in your relationship based on science so what are the components that you need is it that you need some date nights do you need to try exotic things you need to set the mood have candles and romance everywhere do you need to huddle more do you need to have longer foreplay or do you maybe need to do more exotic things like use sex toys together or use pornography we're going to delve right into it I'm going to share with you the results of a study now this study was done in 2006 but the reason it's sort of an interesting study is it surveyed nearly 40,000 people and they recruited people under the guise of saying this is a survey about relationships and sex and they promoted it on National Television like channels like NBC and so they got a lot of data about people and particularly they looked at people who were dating or together for at least three years or longer and they asked them questions about you know how satisfied they were in their relationships what were their beliefs about passion and how had sex changed over time and what sort of behaviors were they doing in their relationship and they asked a whole host of different types of behaviors like some of the ones I mentioned in this study the average age of the participant was almost 40 years of age 88% were Caucasian and as I mentioned they had been together for at least 3 years when they looked at it in terms of 3 to 5 years 6 to 10 years 11 to 20 years or greater than 20 years it was about 20 to 25% in each group so they had people who were together for long periods of time so in addition to asking maybe how they communicated and what sort of variety they included in their sexual relationship they also asked them about how often they orgasmed and how frequently they orgasmed in their relationship so first of all let's look at satisfaction action how does that change over time so looking at you know if people were satisfied Now versus they were satisfied previously in their relationship men were about equivalent they were satisfied back then and they were still satisfied about the same number now however women tended to be more satisfied later in their relationships and fewer women actually felt dissatisfied now this makes sense because what we know about women is as they're in relationships particularly longer term relationships and they get more mature they tend to become much more comfortable with their sexuality they know exactly how to achieve an orgasm they're more open in explaining to their partner how to achieve that orgasm and communicating with them and also they have less body issues so all those things put together makes for a more confident lover and a more ideally satisfied lover and in line with that onethird of women said they orgasmed more frequently now in their relationship than they did previously and 1/4 were more likely to have multiple orgasms now and more proportion of them felt less sexually inhibited now compared to when they were first in their relationship so that all sort of makes sense the other thing they found was that men were more satisfied with three things one as if they were getting more orgasms two if their partner was getting more orgasms and three if they received oral sex more this was different for women women really were more satisfied if they were just having more orgasms and I think this is a reflection of the orgasm Gap right if you are early in relationships firsttime sex we know that men are 95% going to have an orgasm whereas women are only going to have about 45% of them are going to have an orgasm with firsttime sex and so it makes sense that you know they're men are going to get an orgasm no matter what most of the time and so that means that they're more likely to be more satisfied when they're also achieving pleasure for their partner whereas women tend to obviously always see their partner achieve pleasure but when they are also receiving pleasure they seem to be more satisfied so that makes sense right orgasm more and you're both going to be happier and you're both going to be more satisfied in your relationship now what about sexual variety so generally speaking both men and women who were more satisfied with their long-term relationship were more likely to engage in variety now let me read to you the different types of variety that they included this included things like a mini massage or a back rub wearing sexy linger aray or underwear taking a shower or bath together having a date night which where they made sure they had sex trying a new sexual position going on a romantic getaway using a vibrator or sex toy together trying anal stimulation viewing pornography together talking about or acting out fantasies having anal intercourse having sexual contact in a public place generally don't recommend that because that's technically illegal tried light SNM like restraints or spanking uh took Viagra or a similar drug videotaped our sex or posed for pictures in the nude or invited another person into bed with us so basically if you tried something that included sexual variety it made it more likely for you to be satisfied but there were some differences but looking at all of these which ones moved the need of the most like which ones tended to be more correlated with people who were more satisfied so as people people who wore sexy lingerie took a bath together acted out fantasies maybe had a romantic getaway gave or had a massage tried anal sex maybe uh used date night as a time to have sex and used a sex toy together so those were the sort of the biggest ones that were correlated with satisfaction in the long term also satisfied Partners were more likely to communicate and how they communicated were they asked for what they wanted in bed they praised each other for something they did in bed they might have called or texted or emailed them in advance uh with something about their sexual encounter that was coming up and they asked for feedback now this particular paper didn't talk about nonverbal communication but a lot of times people use non-verbal communication right you may nudge your partner in the right way you may put their hand where you want them to you may make a certain noise or move your hips a certain way just that shows the other partner they're doing something something right or maybe not and that's actually very very common because people you know don't talk about sex I say this all the time no one taught us how to talk about sex so we use our non-verbal cues to get points across because it's more comfortable and actually that's also very effective and so non-verbal communication is a really effective way to keep you both satisfied because you know what the other person likes and it's not just you giving the communication it's also them giving you communication and reciproc osity so mostly people tend to take that non-verbal Communication in a positive way and so that's totally an appropriate way and also something that's very likely to help improve your sexual satisfaction in a long-term relationship so in this study they also talked about their last sexual encounter and they asked about certain activities these people did so people who engaged in gentle kissing deep kissing and even changing positions during the sexual encounter were more likely to be satisfied and they generally describe their last encounter as loving as playful and passionate and I love that they described it as playful because sex is play as adults we don't play really this is the only time where we can be playful and fun and try new things and have a good time and really just experiment with new things so make sure that you are being playful during sex so it doesn't always need to be this serious intense experience it can also be playful and fun and so during the sexual encounters it had to have longer episodes of sex which could include foreplay they tended to have more orgasms they tended to incorporate oral giving and receiving oral sex and so generally speaking this was just a more involved sexual experience this was not just sort of the same thing every time and it did sort of change it up and lastly they were less likely to describe their sex lives as predictable in fact they even asked them if they were buying magazines and reading articles about sex and actually incorporating those things in their sex life and yes the satisfied people were more likely to try these things so you know you read like Cosmo or other magazines and you see like these 10 things will make them wild right and yeah it's very reasonable to try out new things and not sort of follow a sexual script the last thing I want to talk about is mood setting so in this study they asked people like were they more likely to incorporate mood setting techniques in their last sexual encounter so what are mood setting techniques so this can be as simple as saying I love you talk talking about something that happened during sex lighting candles playing soft music in the background or even engaging in sexy talk and so these were the questions they asked them and those people who engaged in more mood setting behaviors tended to be more satisfied it's probably a sign that you're more comfortable with your partner that you're able to have dirty talk with them or reflect back on something that you did that was Maybe funny or memorable during sex or just making sex about the relationship you're also bringing in love into the discussion not just about the physical act of sex bottom line what can you do to make sure you have a highly passionate relationship that is sustained over the length of your relationship and that is satisfying to both of you so first off take your time with forplay have gentle kisses have deep kisses this increases arousal so that it makes sex and orgasms much more powerful and more exciting number two shake shake it up like try different variety maybe in include lingerie maybe try a massage maybe do something like talk about your fantasies or even incorporate them into sex try cuddling after sex you know sometimes you just stop doing those things when you've been in a long-term relationship but it still sort of Fosters that intimacy that happens during sex and then if you're out of ideas look on a website look on a magazine get some ideas and try them out and again this is play so make sure it's fun make sure it's exciting and this will hopefully keep you guys interested excited looking forward to sex for the rest of your lives if you guys found this helpful do me one favor share my Channel with your friends with your family with anyone who you think would like it make a screenshot put it on your social media it will be so greatly appreciated by myself and my entire team because we work so hard to bring you quality content every single week and as always you're want to take care of yourself because you're worth it

Dr.

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