In this video discussion, renowned gynecologist Dr. Rena Malik teams up with guest expert Mama Doctor Jones to share valuable ...

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What you HAVE to know About First Time Sex ft. Mama Doctor Jones

what about women who come to you and ask about firsttime sex what are some tips or tricks that you tell women about having firsttime sex or wish that you could tell all women about having first time sex I think I practiced a lot a long time in Texas that's where I did all my training and Main portion of my private practice and I often not get people to my office before that they would come in after having an experience that was either underwhelming or traumatic but if could tell people one thing it would be you have to learn yourself like I I really really strongly encourage people whether I grew up in and I practiced for a long time in the middle of the Bible Belt Purity culture all this so I am sensitive to the fact that some people would like to wait until marriage I don't have feelings about that I'm very neutral about that but if that's the group of people that you fall into I would really strongly encourage you to learn about your own body explore your own body first and that communication with your partner is key you need to be able to talk about sex you need to be able to talk in the bedroom you need to be able to express how you're feeling what's going on Feeling Good Feeling Bad and have somebody who's willing to slowly move there with you and not just expect mind-blowing sex the first time and I think communicating about sex is hard uh you know I'd love to I give a lot of tips on my Channel about communication but I'm no communication expert and I'm sure but we communicate with our patients all the time but do you have you know tips tricks things that you like to it's it's hard I mean I grew up in that culture where we didn't talk about it and so did my husband and so it took us a long time to get there and I wish that was something that we had learned earlier in our relationship but it's just being trusting and okay with vulnerability and I think all of that just comes down to Safety in the relationship so if you're somebody who struggles with communicating about sex you're not going to have a great experience with a one night stand I think one night stand multiple partners whatever makes you tick is great but if you're the person who's struggling with the communication aspect it may not be the right time for you for that yeah um and then within a relationship it just starts with little things you know I think there's a really great sex educator who has a video um where she talks about what does she call it sexual currency I think she calls it and so it's basically like flirting and things like that through the day uh expressing gratitude uh appreciation to your partner or whatever it is they like and I think this is the primary form of foreplay uh for a lot of women and aab people because foreplay is not necessarily physical I think a lot of people view it that way this is going off on a tangent but a lot of people view foreplay as like a very physical thing and it can be but I also think there's a lot of headspace um foreplay that goes on especially for people who are really cerebral and I think there's a lot of men and amab people who also fall into that category but we're kind of never told that that was okay because they're supposed to be visually stimulated I think a lot of men actually do it up here too absolutely so I I will tell you I see so many men who come to me and they are having performance anxiety which then Cycles into poor performance which then gets more anxiety which then it becomes this vicious cycle and it's in their like a lot of it is in their head and it's normal right they are going into an encounter with this like they have to perform a certain way and if they don't perform a certain way they fail like it's like very not binary for them which is not true right you can sex is not just penetration there's so much more to it and can bring all of that to the bedroom and you know I think there's also a lot of like joking right in society like oh he's not like I want a 12in penis whatever right and so that all plays into it so absolutely there's a lot of head space that goes into it right and um in both parties yeah I've seen a lot of varying data and opinions on this but how do you feel about porn and the way that it can negatively or maybe positively impact performance for people who without penis yeah and I think just like I said it makes these really unrealistic expectations of what sex is going to be like and how you should perform and how women respond if you're in a heterosexual relationship and when you watch porn it's usually and a lot of people who watch it will watch things that they're not actually ever going to do in real life which sometimes are maybe more aggressive more violent more out there right and so that can have a negative impact but I don't like to shame people I think there are many many people who use pornography safely and are able to like have a wonderful sex life enjoy their partner enjoy their sex life and still watch pornography recreationally so I think that you know not everyone has a problem with it they realize that it's separate I really worry about like our kids generation because it's so accessible I think it's extremely comparable to alcohol there's lots of people who drink and it's no big deal but if you fall in a category where it's either problematic or you become aggressive when you drink or it's an addiction like there's so many ways that it can be become a negative thing and I feel the same one of those ways is similarly to alcohol early exposure and continued early use throughout the teen years which is scary yeah with our kids generation of what do you think is the answer to that because we can't fix it making pornography a discussion right with your child which is really hard to do because we don't talk about sex but saying like you're going to probably come across videos that you might have questions about that might um seem very interesting to you i' love to talk and answer those questions for you and I think you know the same thing with masturbation pornography we as a culture the gut reaction is don't ever do that turn that off that's disgusting right and people immediately become shameful right it's very internalizing yeah very quickly and so I think that's something we have to shy away from and I think unfortunately whether they see it in our home they see it with their friends Fallen they see it wherever right like they're going to see it so we just have to with that yeah in my year of parenting I think the number one thing I think has made a big difference in helping my kids in situations that could be a struggle whether it was when they're a toddler and we're going out to a restaurant or whatever it is you know anything that could be hard is giving them warning before so that they can set expectations and they really respond well to that so I think that talking to your kids just like you were saying of you may come across videos or pictures that are you know it seems interesting and if we make it taboo that makes it even more interesting so you know ask me questions and know that like you probably shouldn't always be seeking them out because here's what can happen in the same way we talk about alcohol you know right exactly so this is kind of serious let's move back a little bit let's talk about you know a lot of people because you know as I mentioned earlier like people are obsessed with penal link and let's talk about vaginal link and how that changes during intercourse during arousal and all those sorts of things well the vagina is really quite magical I think and probably a lot of people in your audience would agree with that the reason penol length is really not as much of a concern in real life as it seems to be brought out in movies and pop culture is because the vagina length changes with arousal and it accommodates whatever it needs to from a finger to a baby it doesn't matter but in the absence of arousal having you know a well-endowed partner particularly from a girth standpoint can be problematic so the opposite actually I feel like is more true more often I think people who have penises way over obsessed about about size I don't think it matters as much as people feel like yeah I mean I think you can absolutely pleasure any partner male or female or whatever however they identify with any size penis because actually I I would venture to say that the penis is not a big factor in pleasure for people who have a vagina because that's not how most people will climax so exactly yes so I've said it like a hundred times on my channel the clitoris is the most reliable route to orgasm and pleasure so you know absolutely you're not hitting that with a so start there and then you can expand into other things once you are real comfortable there yeah you know we hear about like retroverted uteruses antrovert uteruses how does that play into pleasure or discomfort during sex not a lot probably I explain anted and retroverted uterus in patients like when I'm talking to them as being left or right-handed most people are right-handed some people are left-handed that would be equivalent to retroverted uterus it doesn't really make a difference it's not caused by anything it's not negative or positive but you do have a higher incidence of retroversion in people who have severe endometriosis because the uterus can get scarred to the back wall of pelvis so in that situation then certainly you would see a overlap but more of a confounding factor of people having a retrograd uterus and it causing more pain with deep penetration and things like that but more because of the Endo not the the placement let's do a quick discussion of endo I know there's many women who are affected with it and it is a very life-altering diagnosis and I'm sure if there are Partners who's who have partners with it or there are women listening who have it they'd love to learn a little bit more about it yeah

Dr.

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